Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize