Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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