Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize