ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
