$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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