Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize