Porn is love you can see.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
