Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
