If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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