I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
