We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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