i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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