I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
