Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
