And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
