he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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