Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
