If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
