when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
