Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
