It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
