mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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