One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
