I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
