When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
