i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize