Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
