he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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