rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
