She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
