My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
