Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
