i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
