I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
