so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
