I can't watch pbs sober anymore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize