on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
