i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
