I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
