News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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