I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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