White coat. Heels.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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