So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
