If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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