omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
