im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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