dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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