She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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