PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
