i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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