just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
