Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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