if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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