I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
