The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
