would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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