Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm like, not good at living.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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