We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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