I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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