i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Randomize
