Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
