You're completely useless in the revolution.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
