I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
