I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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