Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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