margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
