At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm too high and old for this...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
