so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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