i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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