you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
