I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize