The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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