I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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