brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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